Shocking discovery at UofL

[Dr. H Lecter]

AP Louisville - A disturbing discovery was made today in a secluded warehouse on the grounds of the University of Louisville's Belknap Campus. Workers stumbled on thousands of inflatable dolls that have been stored and prepared for the coming football season by the UofL Athletic Department. The dolls have apparently been purchased from a company named Zazoom Novelty Company who primarily manufactures blow-up dolls for the adult toy industry. These dolls, however, seem to have been acquired in an attempt to help further "inflate" its already inflated attendance figures.

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Its been widely believed that the attendance figures for its mens football games have ranged from over-reported to wildly exaggerated. In an athletic department known for its media manipulation of every aspect of its program, from players abilities, to its status on the national scale, the discovery may serve to reinforce perceptions that it is not really ready for prime-time.

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An unnamed university employee admitted to reporters that the inflatable "faux-fans" were acquired to help fill large empty sections of Papa Johns Stadium during its frequent and lightly attended mid-week games. Also with talk of stadium expansion the dolls will be critical in giving the stadium a big crowd feel.

"They don't want the viewers at home for the ESPN-8 "The Ocho" games to see a lot of empty seats so Tom (Jurich) ordered these creepy looking seat fillers." The employee stated that he was responsible for inflating and dressing nearly 17 thousand inflatable fans. "Sure they don't have to do this at Florida....but when Tom (Jurich) does things he goes first class. We're the only program in the nation inflating with nitrogen...just like NASCAR does in its tires....does an Alabama or LSU use nitrogen....no sir."

According to UofL Chemistry Professor Stanley Benton,"the nitrogen thingys are bigger than normal air thingys...so the dolls will stay blowed up longer."

No laws have apparently been violated although no purchase authorization for thousands of dolls has been discovered on any internal university purchasing documents. Neither Tom Jurich or any UofL administration official could be reached for comment.

[BigBlue75]

Lecter, in all seriousness, have you ever thought about writing a novel? With a creative mind like yours and with your command of the English language, it should be a breeze. If you haven't, I'd give it serious thought.

That was yet another great one in your ever growing list.:thumbup:

[TrueblueCATfan]

another classic from Dr.H..I agree with BB75 you must consider writing a novel

[Yuleofell]

As long as the faux fans dish out their $45 to $240 per ticket, I guess it is okay.It is a shame they managed to jump some of my buddies who have been on the ticket waiting list for three years now.

[I. Melvin]

Ah, yes. I know we're getting close to the season.

Lecter is rounding into form. ;)

[dcat]

like blowups...:icon_twisted:

[CatFanForLife]

Tee Hee Hee...that's a classic.:icon_smile:

[poodoo]

As usual, Lecter, WELL-DONE, and thanks for the laugh. :icon_lol:

[Dr. H Lecter]

Lecter, in all seriousness, have you ever thought about writing a novel? With a creative mind like yours and with your command of the English language, it should be a breeze. If you haven't, I'd give it serious thought.

That was yet another great one in your ever growing list.:thumbup:

I don't know about writing a novel because my stuff seems more suited to the Onion. I would love to write for SNL when I grow up although Tina Feys head might explode.

If I can come up with a good title I might give the novel thing a try. What do you think about "Moby Pitino?"

[CoquieKat]

Where's that clapping icon? I so need it right now. Awesome post.