Have any of you ladies survived...

[kydingbat]

your husband's mid life crisis? Because I really could use some encouragement. Mine is only 41, but I think that's the only explanation. He's gone, has been for 2 months and still I sit here loving him. I was just curious to know if any of you have had this happen, and, if so, (a) I'm so sorry and (b) how in the world did you live through it?

[capcat]

your husband's mid life crisis? Because I really could use some encouragement. Mine is only 41, but I think that's the only explanation. He's gone, has been for 2 months and still I sit here loving him. I was just curious to know if any of you have had this happen, and, if so, (a) I'm so sorry and (b) how in the world did you live through it?
I haven't, but understand that's a powerful pain. I also understand it's a pain that gets better with time...and those who have been through it sometimes thank God for what came afterwards. We have several on board who can offer personal testimony to that. I hope things turn out in the best possible way for you, and that you will talk regularly with a counselor or minister who can guide you through this.

[PsychoCat]

Im so sorry to hear what you are going thru :icon_sad: I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I can't find any...... I cant even imagine how hard it must be...I think they would have to just shoot me ....I admire you for sharing and for having the strength to hang in there...and I pray that all will work out

[kateyes]

My sister-in-law got through it with lots and lots of prayer, some good listening friends (and family) and some professional counseling.

[capcat]

My sister-in-law got through it with lots and lots of prayer, some good listening friends (and family) and some professional counseling.
I didn't think about relatives who have gone through it, kateyes. My sister went through that when her daughter was 5 years old. She was a stay-at-home mom and her husband seemed like the love of her life at the time. She also went to counseling, even though she had that educational background. She raised her daughter by herself and rediscovered her passion for her work and love of life itself.
She and her daughter got through it together. It wasn't easy, but they did move on and life is good for both of them.

[kydingbat]

Sure glad to know they survived, because, wow, I really don't know...it's been so awful, and everyone tells me I'm a fool to love him still. I pray and cry and that's it. After over 20 years, I really don't know...and he ran off with my best friend, so, yea baby, I have been suicidal and everyone is worried I'm starving to death...he was my breath...I just don't know...do any of you all know a couple that actually made it through? I mean, my cute counter is ticking, lol...

[capcat]

If you're close to your husband's age, your cute counter has years to go. Regardless of who has or has not made a second go of it, I hope you will talk to a professional and seek out positive things to energize you...yoga, running, socializing with people at church, taking a class in something. Take good care of yourself.

[kateyes]

Actually, my brother and sister-in-law are back together and undergoing marriage counseling.

You really must be feeling pretty badly. Do you have anyone to freely talk with at all? You really need lots of support through this grieving period and it is a grieving period.

[WILD1]

I can't say that I've experienced the same but, regardless, I really feel for you. What a dreadful thing to have to endure. I can understand how/why you still love him but, you should learn to love yourself more, it's much more important.
I think the advice some others have mentioned, professional counseling, is a very good one and you should heed it. You will survive, I know of quite a few others who have and even though it was painful and traumatic, they were actually better/happier for it.
Best of luck to you! :thumbup:

[kydingbat]

Glad to hear about your family! Interesting that last night he stayed for supper and mentioned he saw something he thought of getting me for Christmas...and I talk to everyone about this, lol....have discovered that I am an amazing person, haha! Thanks for your support and listening! Have a great day!

[trublu]

kydingbat, I am so sorry for the heartache that you are feeling right now. WILD1's post makes a lot of sense. It sounds as though you are realizing what a great person you are. Good for you!
Find a real friend and go out on the town and have some fun when you get a chance. It's amazing how much better you can feel when you get away from the things that remind you.

[WILD1]

OK, uh, wow, ah, yeah...I guess you thought it for the best but I just gotta tell ya, "kydingbat", you're a better woman than I (MUCH better) as any man who'd behaved as yours is, was selfish and heartless enough to run off with my best friend (some friend?) wouldn't be sharing a meal I'd prepared anytime soon. Sounds as though he's literally having his cake and eating it, too. I wouldn't be anywhere near as charitable, try NOT AT ALL! However, I mean no harm, hope for the best for you and it's absolutely none of my business...I'm just sayin'. :shrug1:

[kateyes]

I could tell you what my sister-in-law has gone through it her 21 years of marriage, but I won't on a message board.

To make it short, what Wild1 wrote was my opinion also. It would be a while before I would spend any time with him unless he is willing to commit to marriage counseling. Then, I would not let him living in your home or with you so he knows you are serious. He needs to face some serious consequences. Your trust has been broken as well as his vows before God. You are the wronged individual and have the power. You also have the right to be angry. The Bible says that you should forgive people 70 times 7 if the person asks for forgiveness and truly means it. However, forgiving someone doesn't mean you must go back to the way things were before you were wronged.

Don't get involved with anyone else of the opposite sex while you are vulnerable and lonely. Lots of bad stuff can result from getting involved too soon.

You can find other friends that won't stab you in the heart.

[kydingbat]

Gosh, it definatley couldn't be what it was, but I do still love him, and still want him home, this past year he's been really sick, and I think that's had a lot to do with it. I did manage to get a job, poor suckers, my mind goes a mile a minute...anyhow, great advice and I really appreciate it, my stress level is just through the roof....but, I can't throw it away so easy, shoot, I really don't believe in divorce...seem to recall a vow I took...lol

[Arkansas Cat Fan]

I had this happened to me also. After 30 years of marriage he left me for another woman. Big mistake on his part. It was very hard. The dreams were the worst. In dream land I would go back in time, and then . .

The best cure for getting over a man is with a new man. When you get to that point, move on if you can find someone you want. If not, stay busy. Go out with your friends and hold your children close. Good luck to you.

[kydingbat]

Sure am sorry to hear about you Arkansas cat, and thanks for the reply. At least it's basketball time!!!!!

[Arkansas Cat Fan]

Sure am sorry to hear about you Arkansas cat, and thanks for the reply. At least it's basketball time!!!!!

I'm over him now. It been several years. I've learned I can take care of myself. It's amazing. But I do know where you are coming from and I understand how you feel. I went to see a therapist when this all first happened. He was really helpful. He would give me what I called "homework". One of the things he told me to do was write on a piece of paper all the things I was worried about. Then put the paper in a drawer. Then say aloud, "There that's taken care of." And not worry about those things anymore. Well, I did just that. And crazy as it sounds it worked. Much later I found the paper again and all those worries never happened.
And yes, I'm glad it bball time again too.

[UKcat]

I guess I am not the forgiving type, but I know for sure, that if my husband was unfaithful to me; there would be no reconcilation; at all.
It would be as my neighbor said years ago when this happened to her: she said, shortly after he left with a mutual friend; "I might still love him, but I don't like him anymore"! She went to counseling; he refused to go; she finally filed for divorce; met a great guy, and , as they say, the rest is history. She is very happy; he found out that the "new young thing" wasn't near as great as he thought and ended up alone; which, in my opinion, is what he deserved.:icon_mad:

[capcat]

she finally filed for divorce; met a great guy, and , as they say, the rest is history.
Seems to be the pattern, whether about a she or he who finally decides enough is enough.