DenCat
12-08-2007, 09:52 AM
The wife Judy, came home early and found Tom in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. She was somewhat upset and surprized.
"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the bread winner of the house! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away! And I'm taking the dog!"
Tom replied, "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can explain to you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed , " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And Tom began --
"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home from the YMCA and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless. I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days!
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments. She even smiled at me!
Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower and "scrubbed her up." While she was drying off, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I disagree.
I also gave her the skimpy silk underwear that was your anniversary present from me, which you don't wear because you said I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a the same pair. And you never use that expensive French perfume anyway."
Tom took a quick breath and continued -
{By now he needed a stiff Old Fashion}
"She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
"Please ... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"
"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the bread winner of the house! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away! And I'm taking the dog!"
Tom replied, "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can explain to you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed , " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And Tom began --
"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home from the YMCA and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless. I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days!
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments. She even smiled at me!
Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower and "scrubbed her up." While she was drying off, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I disagree.
I also gave her the skimpy silk underwear that was your anniversary present from me, which you don't wear because you said I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a the same pair. And you never use that expensive French perfume anyway."
Tom took a quick breath and continued -
{By now he needed a stiff Old Fashion}
"She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
"Please ... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"
