Need some advice.

[delkfor3]

Sadly after almost 18 years my relationship with my girlfriend has come to an end, in the end we grew apart, I did all I could do to save it. But we still have an unbreakable bond, and will remain in each others lives, that I am very proud of.

But that isn't what I need advice on, whats done is done, in the midst of all that turmoil, I discovered that I had feelings for someone else and now I need to know what to do to start this new relationship. I don't feel bad for falling for someone else, as that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't had all my trouble.

I need to know where to start on this, it's been 18 years since I have had to do this. I have reason to believe that she is interested in me as well, as there have been hints that she had been dropping. In all my heartbreak I missed them, now in looking back everything is so clear now.

I really need to know how to persue this new relationship(especially from the ladies here). Funny how life throws you a curb ball, I never saw these feelings for this person coming, still kind of shocked. I'll keep you all posted

[TrueblueCATfan]

Delk......sorry to hear about this.....as for your new relationship.all I can say is take it slow......I have been married for almost 25 years so I have been in one relationship for half of my life....hard for me to really give you advice
Good Luck though....you deserve it

[delkfor3]

Delk......sorry to hear about this.....as for your new relationship.all I can say is take it slow......I have been married for almost 25 years so I have been in one relationship for half of my life....hard to me to really give you advice
Good Luck though....you deserve it


Nothing to be sorry about, we will both be ok, we just grew apart. Glad you made it for 25 years, was hoping for the same, but wasn't meant to be. Onward and upward as they say.

[Matt Dillon]

I'm not a female, but here's my take: ask her out. If she's available and interested, she'll accept. If she doesn't, perhaps you misread the "signals". If she accepts, take time to get to know her, I mean really know her, before investing too much in the relationship. By the way, I'm 63 and my present wife and I have been married for over 27 years if that means anything.

[capcat]

I agree with Matt, but I've been married for a long time, so it's hard for me to give advice too. I hope you find/end up with the right person.

[Grub]

Ask her out - but not to a movie. Ask her out to dinner or coffee. Go someplace where you can talk to each other without shouting (not a bar). Don't try to be cool or impress her. Be completely honest with her in conversation.

If you think this seems a bit too formal to start, ask her if she would like to go for a walk down on the riverfront.

Movies are a great date, but not that great for conversation.

[delkfor3]

She is very interested, but is waiting for me to make the first move. She has changed my outlook on life, and made me feel like a new person. When I get the nerve to do so, I will tell her just exactly that.

On the other hand I am starting to feel guilt for ending my previous relationship just to start another. Neither of us were happy, it just took me longer to realize that I wasn't happy. She was my first real love, and thats what hurts the most about all of this.

Everyone I have talked to have told me I did the right thing, but I really wonder sometimes.

[Ukosumu]

She is very interested, but is waiting for me to make the first move. She has changed my outlook on life, and made me feel like a new person. When I get the nerve to do so, I will tell her just exactly that.

On the other hand I am starting to feel guilt for ending my previous relationship just to start another. Neither of us were happy, it just took me longer to realize that I wasn't happy. She was my first real love, and thats what hurts the most about all of this.

Everyone I have talked to have told me I did the right thing, but I really wonder sometimes.

Take your time. If the other women is worth it, she will understand.

[Matt Dillon]

She is very interested, but is waiting for me to make the first move. She has changed my outlook on life, and made me feel like a new person. When I get the nerve to do so, I will tell her just exactly that.

On the other hand I am starting to feel guilt for ending my previous relationship just to start another. Neither of us were happy, it just took me longer to realize that I wasn't happy. She was my first real love, and thats what hurts the most about all of this.

Everyone I have talked to have told me I did the right thing, but I really wonder sometimes.

I'm getting mixed signals here. In your original post, you say you all grew apart which indicates, to me, that you no longer love her. Now you say you ended your previous relationship to start another. It's obvious you feel a very strong attraction for woman number two (what that attraction is I don't know). For what it's worth, as painful as it may be, if you no longer love woman number one, you did the right thing. Continuing in a relationship with someone you don't love isn't fair to either of you.

[TrueblueCATfan]

Take your time. If the other women is worth it, she will understand.


sounds like pretty good advice to me:thumbup:

[BrassowFan]

Delk,

I hate to hear that you grew apart from someone that you were with for so long! You seem fine with it, which is good, but it's still an adjustment and I would suggest not glossing over that fact.

I'm in the midst of a divorce myself, the best advice that I received, and there was plenty, was to take time to figure out exactly who I am. It is easy to remember the person we were before getting into a serious relationship but you have to accept, especially after a period of time like this, who you've grown to become. Failing to do this might just cause you to either jump into something too soon, or falling into old habits and ending up in the same situation all over again.

I would also closely consider how you're leaving your relationship as the circumstances will be considered by all who follow. If this is meant to be, take it slow and allow it to develop and fight the urge to jump right into something.

Whatever you decide, I wish nothing but the best!

[delkfor3]

Delk,

You seem fine with it, which is good, but it's still an adjustment and I would suggest not glossing over that fact.



I'm not fine with it, it still breaks my heart that this happened. To be honest, yes I still love her, but we just can't be together anymore, and it sucks!

[gerntz]

Reading this, guess I'm lucky she's put up with me for dang near 38 years.